49 days to go

Today I am 49 and have 49 more days of being 49. In numerology 49 = 4 which is about work, productivity, putting ideas into form. Hmmm. That seems like a lot.

In the past I would have taken this as a call to action. I like to work hard and be productive. I like to help others. I liked the role I created for myself as the center of my family – the see-er, do-er, know-er, work-er, keep-er of the family – I wore this role like a super-hero cape.

Occasionally, I would burn out and either get sick or have a meltdown to allow myself time to recharge. I convinced myself I was handling it well. But I wasn’t.

A few years ago, my body decided it would no longer be ignored. My body was forced to get so loud I could not ignore her. My hormones screamed at me – I had adrenal fatigue, felt overwhelmed, sluggish, and lacked motivation. I was constantly tired, had debilitating hormonal migraines, and felt miserable. I didn’t feel like me anymore and knew I couldn’t keep living this way.

I took action.

I learned about women’s metabolism. I ate healthier. I worked out less. I started to nap and read and take bubble baths in the middle of the day. My mind would still tell me this was wrong because there was work to do- but I gave myself permission to relax and I started to take care of me. And as the noise and clutter in my brain and body disappeared, I could really hear myself again.

I feel happier, healthier, more at ease. I handle stress when it arises and can let it go.

We aren’t meant to do it all…none of us. We need to rely on each other, we need to ask for help, we need to take a break.

It may be a 4 day…meant for work and productivity, but I am going to read.

Love to all.

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