laura-jeanne.com

Today is 50 days to my 50th birthday!

I felt I should be especially clever with my writing, perhaps have some fanfare, maybe a cake or fireworks to mark this auspicious day. This is what I had dreamed for my blog today. Instead, I ventured over to the grocery store at 8:00 a.m. to avoid the crowds.

As I pushed the cart around the store, I thought, “Remember when you were so desperate to be an adult?” I always wanted to be two or five years older. I wanted to do things my older sister was able to do. I wanted to stay up late and drive a car and be in control of my own destiny.

I want to give credit to my younger self for my powerful manifestation, because I often find myself awake late at night as an adult. I get up to pee, or realize I am unbearably hot or on a really fun night, I am awake for no reason and lay there – sometimes for hours – wondering how long I will continue to be awake.

I do drive a car, but the thrill has somehow faded over the decades of driving kids to endless activities, being stuck in rush hour traffic, and running errands.

I applaud my younger self for having a goal and a vision. I just wonder why she didn’t imagine that car as a Corvette or the late nights being filled with revelry and gaiety, instead of laying in the dark determining how many hours of sleep I could still get if I drift off right now.

I do control my destiny…Corvette or not. I am 49 and hot (it just comes in flashes now), I am fit and healthy and I still have my mind…mostly.

Lesson one – not that this blog needs to impart wisdom or lessons – life is not always what you think it will be, but you can think what you want about life.

Love to all.