Last week, I wrote about everyone being worthy of love and how important it is to recognize that we are all lovable simply for being who we are.
We all want to be loved and when we don’t feel loved, it is painful. That pain is often accompanied by fear and when these two come together, we begin to think we need to protect ourselves. In our relationships, this shows up in different ways. We may pick a fight with our partner, we may pull back, some people will leave their relationship, some may be unfaithful. Others may try desperately to prove themselves worthy…seeking to please or do things that are not indicative of who they really are or the way they really want to be. Essentially, in that painful, fearful place, people either fight or flee.
And, when we do this, we end up creating the very thing we feared the most or most wanted to avoid. The jealous partner may actually push so hard that their partner does end up cheating. The person who fears they will be left alone, pushes their partner away and they end up being alone. The person who fears they are unlovable, creates a situation where they feel more unlovable than ever.
We aren’t consciously doing these things. We do them because we have learned that: a) someone outside of us is necessary for us to feel loved and b) we need to win/earn/buy their love by pleasing them with our words and actions and c) we are not good enough to actually be loved unconditionally.
But, none of these things are true. We are all lovable and worthy of love and that love begins with us. When we believe we are worthy of love, we start to recognize our fear and our pain and consciously push it aside. We can then replace those thoughts with new beliefs reinforcing that we are lovable. And when we do this, we begin to shift the dynamic in ourselves and our relationships.
Our partners are not the source of our love. We are the source of our love. Our partners provide us with an opportunity to enhance and share and expand that love…but it all comes from within. And when we don’t feel lovable and begin to feel that pain, we need to recognize it for what it is and instead of fighting or fleeing, we need to nurture ourselves, recognize all our goodness and remember that we are lovable simply being the person we are inside.