This week, my partner asked me to do something and I initially agreed, even though I could feel every part of my being scream, “No!”
His request was reasonable and under normal circumstances, it would have been something I would have gladly done. But, I was just coming off a busy week and headed into another busy one and I knew with every part of my being that I needed to say no and take care of myself first.
I felt guilt. I felt fear that he would be upset. I felt nervous about telling him I changed my mind. But none of this was coming from him. It was all me, projecting these things onto the situation. And, when I finally said I needed to take care of myself, it was met with love and understanding.
I have sought love and approval in the form of pleasing for as long as I can remember. I LOVE to help people, but once in a while there comes a time when I know I’m only doing it because I feel fear of not being loved or accepted. And every time I act from this place, it ends in disaster.
I have realized it is crucial for me to take care of myself. When I feel run down, overwhelmed, too busy and like I need to place everyone else’s needs above my own, everything in my life, especially my relationship, suffers.
But, when I make time to do things for me, when I am well rested and well fed and when I honour myself first, I have so much more love, joy and support to give. Our relationship thrives.
It is important for me to remind myself of this often and be aware of my motivation for what I do. I need to remember that taking care of myself is my job and when I do it, I am able to give so much more and it feels so much better. It is important for me to remember to make myself my first priority so I can make others (especially my partner) a priority too.