Unexpected Presence

I dedicated the summer to being present, hearing my own voice, and responding. But transitioning from summer into autumn felt bumpy. I began feeling more anxious, disconnected, and I yearned to be present again, but didn’t know how.

Then I got sick.

I didn’t want to be sick. I fought against it. I was angry. I was annoyed because the weather has been perfect and I wanted to be out on my bike or hiking. I was annoyed my entire family was dealing with a nasty bug. I wasn’t sleeping and everything was irritating me. My old thought patterns emerged and my emotional state plummeted.

I was fighting it and heard the disconnect in my thoughts. I wanted my present experience to be different than it was in reality – and that really wasn’t an option.

Then I realized: being sick has been a physical way to recalibrate and bring myself back to a state of presence.

I had been saying I didn’t know how to be present, so my body reminded me. Even when I was fighting myself, I was still listening to part of myself. I knew exactly what my body needed to heal and I listened: rest, water, sunshine, a quiet pace, tea, time to heal. Isn’t this presence?

As I continued to respond to my physical needs, I began to release my emotions and accept that we would be sick until we are well again. When I came to that realization, I found the calm and ease of presence again within myself.

I asked to feel present again…and my request was granted.

Tune in, listen, acknowledge, respond.


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