I’m not a fan of the ‘self-care advice’ that seems every where these days. I would never dream of writing a blog about self-care. (LOL)
But something struck me the other day.
I heard a woman say her self-care is making sure she eats well, gets sleep and rest.
No. No. No. No. No.
That is not self-care – that is survival. That is the bare minimum we can do to keep ourselves alive…and if we think self-care is merely keeping ourselves alive….we have a lot to change.
I’m not surprised. I’ve grown up in a culture that grooms women to be subservient, sets the stage for women to be givers, pleasers, co-dependent. We are rewarded for giving to others first. We are praised for taking care of people. We believe these roles are who we are, what we are supposed to do, and how we get what we want. We believe our sense of self and purpose are wrapped up in being someone else’s something -being a good wife, a mother, a daughter, a sibling, a friend, etc.
And It’s not just women who ignore themselves. Many men are just functioning on a survival level too…go to work, provide for the family, eat, sleep, repeat. They are programmed to believe making money, providing for others, having status and objects are the rewards for the roles they are supposed to play.
We wouldn’t think that merely feeding our children and making sure they get sleep is all that’s needed to care for them…so why would we think this is all we need?
This viewpoint is completely distorted and dysfunctional. And it’s no wonder, so many of us find ourselves in dysfunctional relationships with others.
We all need to start making ourselves a priority. We need more than the bare minimum to stay alive. And we need to start giving this to ourselves.
How do we start?
We have to get to know ourselves. Not the selves we’ve believed ourselves to be. Not our roles. Not the things we do for others. We have to really sit and know who we are – what makes us happy, sad, fulfilled, annoyed, hurt, passionate.
Then we begin to know what the specifics of care look like for each of us as individuals. Real care. Allowing ourselves time to heal. Giving ourselves time and attention. Nurturing our soul, filling our hearts with joy, engaging in activities that are meaningful and uplifting are essential for all of us.
It is time to treat yourself better. You are a divine being…made of the stardust of the Universe…it’s time to start treating yourself that way.