If you’re co-dependent – like me – you’re probably very skilled at being there for others. I’m able to give a lot of time and energy to others. I have the ability to read moods and emotions quickly and notice slight shifts in energy. I am competent with many things and willing to jump in and try. I am good at hearing the words people use, remembering details, and following up. I am empathetic, kind, and open.
In the healing process, there can be a temptation to throw away anything we’ve used in dysfunctional ways -but I believe these skills are assets. And yes, I’ve used them in the past in a co-dependent way, but there is still value in the tools I’ve developed. I don’t need to throw everything out and start over. I can keep these skills and use them in a more conscious and healthy way.
Instead of seeing a shift in others and immediately changing my behavior or response, instead of thinking it’s my job to fix or help, I can acknowledge the change in the other person. I can ask how they are doing. Do they want to talk? Is there anything they need? I am able to give them the space to say yes or no. I trust that whatever they do, they will find their way.
Unlearning the need to help people, fix situations, alter moods is a process. It helps to see the ways I can use what I am already good at and shift it to a healthier dynamic. This is better for me and my relationships.
More to learn, more ways to grow.