This post is for the people pleasers and the codependents.
I didn’t know this was me. I thought I was a good person, a caring person. I believed I had a talent for tuning into others needs and wants. I really loved helping people because it felt good, and I liked seeing them thrive. I believed it was my job to focus on and fix others.
I thought this was a good thing. Doesn’t society reward and praise people for being selfless and putting others before ourselves? Doesn’t it feel good when we help someone else?
Yes, but the codependent/pleaser takes this too far and it is dysfunctional.
Are we giving from the heart or are we giving to feel better or fill a need?
I know some of you reading that previous line will think exactly the way I did up until a year ago. Well, that’s not me. All of my giving comes from my heart. I am not seeking validation from others. I give because I like to give, because it feels good, because it’s who I am.
For me, I believed that, but it was a lie.
I was giving because early in life. I believed it was my job to make others happy. I was good at tuning into others and adjusting myself to do or be someone pleasing to them. I learned that when I performed certain tasks I was praised. The more I gave, the more people praise. I believed all of this was healthy, and normal.
Turns out…not so much. I was giving a lot to others, but sometimes…oftentimes, I was really giving to make someone happy so they would be happy with me. I was giving without boundaries. I was giving in a way that sometimes went against my beliefs or values, because I felt it was more important for others around me to be happy and I could find a way to make myself okay later. I was giving to others to make sure there was no conflict and keep life sailing smoothly. I was giving because I wanted to be praised and loved and given attention in return.
I’ve been incredibly blessed to have had the opportunity to really see this in myself. To understand the need to go into myself, admit the truth, and learn how to give from my heart in a way that is healthy.
This is a big part of my healing and journey right now.
I see how I had it all backward. I felt giving to others would help me feel good about me. What I am working on now is feeling good about me, so I can give freely to others.
Onward we go.
Truth, well stated- one I as a ‘people pleaser’ need to keep firmly in mind. “What I am working on now is feeling good about me, so I can give freely to others.”