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When we feel unhappy or unloved, we sometimes start to build a case against our partner.  We let the things that bother us build up, we keep score of all the things that we feel unhappy about and we convince ourselves that our partner is not doing their job of making us happy.

But, if we are responsible for feeling happy, we need to bring the focus back to ourselves.

Here are some things we can do:

1.  Be aware of what we think, say and feel about our partner. 

2.  When we see a trend or notice that we seem to be particularly negative, judgemental or upset with our partner, make a conscious effort to ask, “Why am I feeling this way?  What is really going on inside me that has me feeling so unhappy?”

3.  Make a conscious effort to be happy.  Take care of ourselves.  Meet our own needs.  Focus on what is working in our relationship and in our lives.  Do kind things for our partner. 

Any time we recognize we are building a case against our partner, it’s time to stop and ask ourselves what is really going on and what we can do to shift ourselves.  It is our job to feel happy, so we need to make the conscious choice to do that more often.