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One of the most important things we can do for our relationship is to put ourselves first.  It may sound selfish and for many of us, it is the opposite of what we have been taught, but it is an important part of a healthy relationship. 

Many of us have had it backwards.  We’ve been thinking we’re supposed to put our partner first;  that it is selfish to put our own needs first.  But is it?

It becomes problematic when we put our partner’s needs ahead of our own;  when we ignore or neglect ourselves for our partner’s sake.  Sometimes we do this because we seek their love and look for it in their approval.  Sometimes we do it because we have become so intrenched in a role, we don’t even consider doing things differently.  And sometimes, we have just gotten so good at placing our own needs last, that we aren’t even aware of what is happening.

When we do this, it only lasts so long and then it ends in some sort of conflict or breakdown.  That kind of situation is loaded with expectation, feelings of resentment, disappointment and guilt so when it crumbles, all of that comes out too.  Giving or doing things out of any reason other than love and support taints the giving and makes it more difficult for everyone.

And we know that we are the only ones who can always and truly ever meet our own needs.  So, if we meet our needs and take of ourselves first, then we have so much more to give in the long run.  And when we give, it is truly from a place of unconditional love and it feels better for everyone involved.

When we take care of ourselves, we have more to give and we give it freely.  We come to our partner in love and feeling full.  Our needs are met, so we have more to share and more to give.  Taking care of our needs first is truly a gift for your partner and your relationship and one you deserve to enjoy.