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When loving is easy, it’s easy to love.  When our partner is doing all the things we love and all those things that feel good, it’s so easy to love them and feel great about our relationship.

But what about when they aren’t so easy to love?

When our partner is angry, hurt, negative, depressed, criticizing, complaining, or ignoring us…that is the time when we need to love them the most because that is the time they need to be loved the most.

This does not excuse bad behaviour and it doesn’t necessarily mean we should be loving them in the same room.  What it does mean is that we reach past their words and behaviour, we find our compassion and remember why we love this person and connect with that love.  When we do this, our focus comes off their behaviour and allows us to be compassionate, understanding and most of all, loving towards our partner. 

This is probably the hardest thing to do in a relationship but it is the most important. 

When our partner is picking a fight, complaining, or criticizing, they are doing it because it is a symptom that something else, something more painful or difficult is going on for them.  It doesn’t excuse their actions, but it does explain it.   And this understanding allows us to be less defensive and more compassionate. 

We all experience hurt and pain in our lives and when we do, we want to be loved and accepted more than ever.  If we can love our partner through these times, two things tend to happen.  1.  Our partner can shift out of it far more quickly because they feel loved and supported,  2.  Situations are less likely to occur or occur with less intensity in the future.

Loving unconditionally builds trust and greater love and respect in a relationship.  Unconditional love lets us know that someone is there for us and cares for us, especially in our darkest times. This kind of love creates the strongest bond two people can share and is the greatest strength of a relationship.