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We have become good at looking at situations at face value, but we can really shift our relationship when we take the time to look deeper and see what emotions are underneath.  It provides a different perspective and helps us heal what hurts and move forward in our relationship.

How can we change things? 

1.  Think of an unresolved issue in your relationship.

2. If it’s unresolved, there must be something you want to change about this issue.  Write down what you want changed and why you want it changed.  What do you think you will feel if things were exactly the way you want them to be?  Why do you think you don’t have what you want right now?  You want this resolved or changed so you will feel better.  What feelings do you think you’ll feel if things change?

3. Look for all the ways you can satisfy those needs, on your own.  (See this exercise for meeting your own needs).

4.  When you feel you’ve really addressed this need, go back to the issue and see if your still need a resolution for it.

This is something both partners can do, because there are emotions underlying the issue for BOTH partners in the relationship.  Even if one partner does this work, it will shift the dynamic.  I encourage you to look within and see what you find.