What You Do Is What You Get

One of the most powerful tools to help shift a relationship comes by changing the way we look at our partner and our relationship. 

There is a great quote by Abraham Lincoln that goes, “When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will.”  The opposite is true too.  When you start to look for the best in your partner and expect to find it, you will!

You can feel whatever you want in your relationship and you can start right now. 

1.  Keep a daily list of things you love about your partner.  You can use things you currently love about them or things you’ve loved about them in the past.  Really commit to writing as many things as you can, at least once per day. 

2.  Look for opportunities to point out the positives about your partner and your relationship.  Let your partner know what you love and appreciate about them.  Feel free to share with others too.  The more we talk about and focus on things we love, the easier it becomes to see them.

3.  Do something special for yourself that helps you feel more loving.  Step outside your day-to-day routine and do something special just for you or maybe something for the two of you.  Doing something a little out of the ordinary can help us shake things up a little and make it easier to see things a little differently.

4.  Notice all the wonderful things in your life.  Whether you focus on your relationship or other aspects of your life, feeling good attracts more good feelings.  Enjoy and celebrate all the great aspects of your life.

Note:  If you are really struggling in your relationship and doing these things just makes you feel bad, then only do #4.  If you are single, imagine all the qualities you want in a partner and believe you will find.

Making a conscious effort to focus on what you love and what feels good is a great way to shift your perspective and create more of the kind of relationship you want.  Small changes can have big impact.



Add yours →

  1. Lovely post. I particularly like the note, a good reminder to focus on *whatever* is good in our lives.

  2. I like what you wrote LJ…I believe that as a couple we do not need to make a list. However we tell each other every day that we love each other. We express our gratitude on our partner when they do something kind, we tell each other how we feel and how they make us feel. Affirmation and Affection is what we bring to each other. Everyday we do this as it is important to us. I thank god everyday for my partner.

    • Thanks for your insight and comments, Jav.
      I agree that doing these things daily is very important in a relationship.
      It is certainly much easier when we are happy and loving each other and you’ve mentioned some great ways to keep on that track.
      You have a great partner…and she obviously has a great one too!

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