Happy New Year!
I love the New Year because it’s a great time to evaluate our lives and set new goals for ourselves. It provides an opportunity to focus our intention and create more of what we want in our relationships and our lives.
We tend to set goals to change the things in our lives, but I suggest setting goals based on how you want to feel. The only reason we ever want anything is because of how we believe we will feel when we have it…so I like to take the middle step out of the equation and get right to what I really wanted in the first place.
Setting goals this way empowers me because I am the only one ever in control of how I feel and it also gives me the opportunity to experience more of what I really want without limitation.
Here is an example. In the past, I may have set a relationship goal to be something like this: “I want to spend more time with my partner this year.” The first problem with this goal is that it is dependent on him, which means, attaining my goal is now in part, out of my control (which means I have a greater likelihood of being unsuccessful or unsatisfied at the end of the year).
The second problem with this goal is that it is really only addresses the means to the end instead of the end result I really want. What I really want is to feel loved. My love language is quality time together, so for me, time together=love.
A third problem with this goal is that it limits my ability to feel what I want. If I think spending time together is the only way to feel loved, I have severely limited my ability to feel loved. But if I open my goal up to be “I want to feel more love.” Then, I am more likely to notice my partner doing many things to express his love for me. I also expand it further and see that I am loved by many people (my children, my family, my friends). And, most importantly, it shifts my focus inward, directing my attention to the way I feel and giving me the ability to choose to feel more love.
Bring the focus back to yourself when you set your goals this year. Look at what you really want underneath the things and set some goals that are really attainable and give you what you really want most.