I recently fell into my old way of thinking. I was feeling unhappy and I managed to find a way to convince myself it was because of something my partner had done. I sat with my unhappiness for awhile and blamed him and then I started to see there were other things he had done too and before I knew it…I was convinced that I was feeling totally unhappy all because of him!!!! (It was easier for me to do than I’d like to admit…but years of learned behaviour sometimes die hard).
I worked myself into such an uncomfortable place that I could no longer ignore what I was feeling, so I sat down to figure out what was really going on.
Initially, I was able to trace everything back to him and what he did…but then I finally got past my b.s. and was honest with myself, and I could see that before he even did anything, I really hadn’t been feeling all that great anyway. I soon discovered, it really didn’t have anything to do with him at all.
The good thing was that as soon as I realized this, I felt relief because the thought of it being all his fault only leaves me with two decisions. Stay and feel unhappy because he’s not likely going to change or leave because he’s not likely going to change. Neither of those were even options for me, so I had to plow my way through it and see what was real. I was very grateful that I was able to realize what was really going on, before I took it to him with blame and emotion.
The more I do this work, the more I realize I have more work to do. It’s so important to keep things in perspective and work my way through what I am feeling so I can see the truth and really heal.
My partner can’t make me happy and it’s not his job anyway, it’s mine. And when I kick myself in the butt and remind myself of that fact, I’m always much happier than I’ve ever been and realize that I did all that too!!!