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Most of us have been conditioned to feel bad when someone does something we don’t like.  We focus on what they’ve done or how we feel and we stop there.  When we feel this way, there is always something else going on, something we’ve (most likely) not even been aware of, yet it has led us right to those bad feelings.

What can we do?

1.  Be more aware of the thoughts and patterns of thoughts in your life.  Make time to be conscious about what you think and what you say.  Most of us have become so used to hearing thoughts about ourselves, “You’re so fat.”  “You’re not smart enough.”  “You’re too lazy,” that we don’t even realize we say those things to ourselves on a regular basis.  Become more aware of what you are saying to yourself and how often you think these things.

2.  Find at least one statement that you believe to be true about yourself that is positive and makes you feel really good about yourself.  Keep that thought close by and every time you feel yourself thinking a negative thought, repeat this statement[s] to yourself. 

3.  When you find yourself getting upset by something your partner has said or done, stop yourself and think back to the way you’ve been feeling about yourself.  Have you been more critical of yourself lately?  Have you noticed an increase in the negative thoughts?  What’s going on that has triggered you to respond to this incident and what can you do to make yourself feel better on your own?

The best way to break an old pattern is to replace it with a new one.  Becoming more aware of ourselves, paying attention to what we are saying to ourselves and the way we are treating ourselves can give us real evidence of how we got to the place of being upset about something our partner has said or done.  It allows us to get to the root and begin to heal from within.