Adventures in Re-Calculating

Sometimes, we get caught up in how we’re feeling and we forget that our partner wasn’t trying to bug us intentionally.  (well, hopefully… ;))

Recently, my partner and I got into a heated discussion.  At first, I was quick to feel angry and hurt and I started to feel myself acting defensively.  I could feel the physical changes in my body.  I could feel myself feeling hurt and upset and wanting to hurt and be upset right back.

But then, I heard the word, re-calculating.  We had just been talking about the GPS and the voice that gently says, re-calculating and suddenly I realized that’s what I needed to do in that moment too.

I shifted gears in my mind first.  I changed from feeling defensive to feeling curious.  What was going on?  Why was my partner doing and saying these things?  I knew this was not his usual behaviour, so something must be going on that was causing him to veer off course.

And suddenly, I felt my shoulders relax, my stomach and chest loosened and instead of posturing for a fight, I could feel myself opening up and genuinely wanting to reach out to him with love and understanding.

I forgot all my arguments and defenses and I started to approach the conversation with love.

And pretty soon, he re-calculated too.  And we both ended up with a deeper understanding of ourselves, each other and the situation.  We also both ended up feeling a whole lot better, a whole lot sooner than if we’d gone down that other road.

Sometimes, all it takes is a word to come to our mind to help us remember who our partner is and help us shift ourselves to a more calm and peaceful place. 

Re-calculating has become a very helpful tool for me and our relationship.  It is a touchstone that helps me get back to love and calm…which for me, is always a blessing.


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