I joked with my partner and said, “You should really make sure you read my blog this week!” Of course I wanted him to read it…who doesn’t want to have a great partner?
Although I was joking, I can’t count the number of times I”ve been quick to point the finger at him. “He should be more patient.” “He should be more loving.” “He should be more understanding.”
There’s an expression that says: when we point the finger at someone else, we have three fingers pointing back at ourselves. When I am pointing the finger and seeing all the things he should be doing for me, and then turn it back on myself, I see that I’m not really giving him what he most wants either.
There have been times, when things are going well in our relationship and I’ve asked myself how I’m doing as a partner. The initial answer is that I’m a great partner. But when I look a little deeper, I find areas where I could improve, things that I expect my partner to give to me, but on closer examination, I see I’m not always giving those things to him.
In times of conflict, I find this to be extremely helpful. When I start to feel a little angry, frustrated, hurt or upset, and I find myself looking at my partner thinking about all the things I think he should be doing to make me feel better, I’ve started to ask myself…”Am I giving him all those things?” It is a very effective way to diffuse my anger and get back to loving and supporting one another.
Being the best partner I can be means that I give love, understanding, patience, kindness and compassion to my partner unconditionally. And when I do, my relationship feels more fulfilling than ever. The more I give to him, the more I get in return and the more our relationship soars!
Oh, how true this is! I especially like the reminder that there are 4 fingers pointing back at us. I find that in parenting especially, the things I get most upset about him doing are things I’m upset about doing myself. There are always mirrors pointing back at us, aren’t there?!
Yes. Parenting has a way of bringing those feelings out in us mothers. It is helpful to check in and see how we are doing too.
Great post! As I practice noticing how he’s falling short, I inevitably notice that I fall short in that very area.
And a funny about the 4 fingers. My children know this one and my youngest loves when he “points” to point with his whole hand to assure that no fingers are pointing back at him. He even points his toes consciously when he is pointing. 🙂
I love that Natalia!!!