I recently found myself feeling particularly vulnerable, (which had nothing to do with my relationship). But, in my vulnerability, I started to focus on the negative. I started to see things in my partner and my relationship that suddenly seemed to ‘bother’ me.
I started to focus on these things a little more, then a little more. I was letting these feelings sit with me a bit longer than usual, I started to string them all together to further demonstrate my discontent and before I knew it, I had talked myself into a place where I felt I just wasn’t being heard or honoured.
When a discussion arose, I was already feeling vulnerable and a little hurt and I found myself being more critical, emotional and negative than usual.
One thought left unattended can quickly lead to another and another and before long…trouble is a’brewing.
This led to another conversation with a bit more criticism, then it was mixed with a bit of judgement, add a pinch of righteousness, blend it all with some disappointment and feelings of not being heard and suddenly there’s a recipe for trouble.
It was affecting both of us and at the same time, we both said, “We need to consciously shift back to loving each other.”
My partner took the lead and told me a list of things he loves about me and our relationship. I followed suit. By the end of the discussion, we were feeling more loving and closer than ever.
What could have been us going down that other path a lot further, ended up with us being more aware and coming out of a difficult day with a lot more love and good feelings for one another.
Just as it was easy to start to see all the things that I didn’t like and wasn’t feeling good about; it was just as easy to switch back to feeling more loving and happy about our relationship.
It takes awareness, conscious effort and willingness. And when we apply those things, it is amazing how easy it is to get back to the place we both love to be.
I know it can be hard. Believe me, there are times when I’d really like to be right for just a moment, but then I know what I really want is to love and be loved. If things have been difficult in your own relationship for a long time, it may take longer to shift back to more love and happiness…but it is possible if you’re willing.
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This is so true!! I noticed just yesterday how my feelings about my partner (or anyone) can shift in just one moment – one thought. I went from this loving, generous feeling right to one of judgement and criticism. It’s such a relief to know that all I really need to do is change my thoughts. That’s a lot easier than trying to change him !! 🙂
Thank you, Rose. I love hearing examples from others of how easy it is to shift one’s thinking when we realize it’s not what we want to be feeling. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your insights!